Digging

Digging down sounds
A dog in the yard scooping words
Nose rubs against smell I like that makes sound I know
I know it as it touches me but not in the same fashion I
recognize (but don’t, do I do I) the man who slept in a sleeping bag on my neighbor’s porch last night
I don’t have an answer for why I get to go inside at night I could figure out an answer for why when I’m listening to a song really when words come to mind as a sound I also see a form and motion so I’m really not going to retract my –
The four puncture wounds around my two fingers
are four teeth left hovering around my two fingers as I go about grabbing things
Folded hands fingers laced above apron strings the verbose fingers twitching
a few signals to accompany nervousness We are sitting in the dark
No we are sitting by candlelight and generator emergency lights
in company
I am sitting You are stalling

rewards

I don’t understand the spread of this space this land and why I can’t leave it which is why I can’t leave it

The reward spinning between my hands when I smell horrible from sweat and am lingering too long in 100+ days

The reward spins large and erupts a boom in the side of the vista between my car and the mountains burnt

The reward lacks a value until I tell you it so I am very silent as I drive except for letting the wind in

My thumb strums the wheel so I tell you it when I’m home and mad over the a/c I speak it out

My floors are as clean as they are going to get until I move

To not think of all the work I am not allowed to do to not think of the garden I don’t grow young things in to not think of mis-deliveries

There is the knowledge I am considered to hold to operate by to have qualified opinions because of even despite lacking

in most circumstances those you mark Marriage Children 5 Yr Plans Engagement Finance

I also wonder who this person speaking is

This person can’t tell you much that isn’t true any other day honesty

Mirroring a sky mirroring a void I climb back to the car mirroring a flying machine anchored to a track

The reward has spit itself dry

Playing accepted duty of a career seeker job hunter fierce enlightened muscle near serious near a ball I chase and flop down beside

I play my feet sore my bra soaked I play time against senses on a broader field fit for running cartwheels quenched to bearing blooms

The reward to not think of all the work I can never do what a sad reward

that is not the reward I earn my points for

The reward eludes as I lift to chest and push back strong from hips to feet push and drop and throw farther than slingshotting overhead powerlines

as I lift loving and pet and let it suckle an hour though I could never have been hired as a nurse no that wasn’t it

as I lift loving and pet and cannot let it suckle not even an hour though I could have been hired as a nurse no

as I lift loving and pet and would let it suckle more than an hour though I had no claim to it though I deserved nothing of it though it was not my obligation though it was not likely though it was yours and I coveted it wrongly

There is the knowledge I am expected to accept in order to bear duty with glory and frightening giddiness many songs on street corners a blinding aura of She’s At Peace

As I  lift loving and pet and let it go back to you we share space between two rewards regenerating past us

I forget whatever aura duty masks save for play

Play I go POP the sun roof play I go RUN another round until blistered raw weeping out my afternoon into the soil

Play I GO in most circumstances those you mark Unnecessary Work Fruitless Antonyms Branches Freeloaders Apparitions

So I tell you it when I’m home and no longer mad so that we have a value for these popping instances of rewards sharing you and I

So I tell you as I lift loving mirroring play to not think most circumstances

The reward creates an entire being fresh

Say for you

Does it matter that I learned earlier that time is a language

Does it, yes

Stomach bad on coffee and regret I am sitting

                  watches the news, wears slippers and uses the toaster properly

                  Check for these things first (Empty your crumb tray, clean it out inside, prevent fires.)

                  None of these things are revolutionary but there are many revolutions going on / a toaster won’t do you much good at all

Indicative pauses give concch shells to scatter on railroad tracks

Summing up the past three days Large Bears

Alabama Fort Sumter Eating Slide Shows Extra Credit Points Everyone gets an A or a B

                  I find myself I am stirred / Very stirred Not sleeply

Grumbling through my old man hoarseness there was aloe oatmeal soap today Continue reading “Say for you”

August 2

A morning. They usually go that way. A morning then a… what else happens? What else what else. Perpetua. Titling. Shorts.

It’d be nice to notice more things. I do notice things. I saw some just now, things I hadn’t noticed. I saw some My Name Is, Art That Looks Like It Is From Another Culture Maybe In The Andes
It’s nice. Nice Nice Nice. Okay Let’s Stop.

Let’s stop being nice. Let’s stop with all the fancy fancy coffee and the slick printed materials. Let’s cease desist wrap it up call it a day. No?
It’s a little about ego. There is a way to come and go from places that feels most appropriate to them, and to me. To I. Because this is about ego. Ego, being cold, reading blogs without commenting, and white nails. Continue reading “August 2”

June 24

My freewriting seems to have gone abandoned for some time now. Let’s give it another go I should have plenty saved up in side of me somewhere a well of neglected words or maybe not a well
Maybe they squeeze out from nowhere or you just keep grabbing and scraping them up to you or maybe they are like fireflies
Dustmotes on the edges a little blurry
I’ve gotten several new hats
Ha
That can mean quite a few things
New hats to wear
New personas new identities new relationships
I think they probably all apply
Screaming in my brain and half of my muscles I just don’t I can’t Continue reading “June 24”

June 3 (Forgive i am not a bird)

I dreamt of lions
I think I did
I remember one in particular
You cant meet me head on but you will hear me behind your ear
I am a cadence for you to catch
To circle and navigate and wrestle a little
A cacophany receptive as a catacomb
I breathe of the air and the sea
I breathe between we will meet when we need to
I am water slipping and air
I roar
I am a woman though no child fear barren like grass
dry
But wet too
Like earth
Lord
Forgive and I forgive
A mother your mother mine and his
And me one day I will transform again
Transfigurations and multiplication
Division instead
I want to know my hands are alive
.
Why I am not on that side of the water when you are on that side of the water
Why I am here and you there
Why not both in the middle
In the wet and the green
Like a fish
Why not a splotch on the wall
Left
Say it was here
A burrow shallow in the ground a spot for a bug
I am a not a poison snake
I am a full a wide hip
I am a careful tongue and smooth hand wwith sharp nail
Listen to my tug
Listen to my guide and I will tell you why
we are not both in the middle
We are both not both in the middle
And we are both not both on either side together
because
It is still my middle
I here stretch over cover and claim with one foot into mud
Will turn about one day
so slim with a bouyancy a fluidity
Of shame
.
Anxious back-glances drafty stairs and sweaty
No dry
Parched like throat
I am making this up
I didn’t see
The parched skin was mine and my heart’s
Wallowing in despair and self-glorification loving-
loving I thought iwas semi-divine
Unconcscoious and willing to surpass the aeartth
I can’t
I am a circle like the world and you are a triangle who are stable and make safe places
I walked until I slept to cure a little spot
I slept you danced
No I am lying again I slept and danced you
Carrying a half a pod some plant thing
That was earlier
Translucent and why cant not
Why cant not I a bird
For flying and for leaving feathers
Birds could go too right across
Dip the water
The middle a far below an
Sublime counting striking off
miss miss
.